Pick up that hammer there, boy.
Say, any of you boys smithies?
Or if not smithies per se...
...were you otherwise trained in the metallurgic arts...
...before straitened circumstances forced you into a life of aimless wanderin'?
Jesus! Can't I count on you people?
Sorry, Everett.
Well, all right...
...we take off through that bayou-- - Wait a minute!
Who elected you leader of this outfit?
Pete, I figured it should be the one with the capacity for abstract thought, but...
...if that ain't the consensus' view, let's put it to a vote.
Suits me. I'm votin' for yours truly.
Well, I'm voting for yours truly, too.
Okay, I'm with you fellas.
Mind if we join you, old-timer?
Join me, my sons, join me.
You work for the railroad, Grandpa? - I work for no man.
You got a name, do you?
I have no name.
That right there may be the reason you had difficulty finding employment.
In the mart of competitive commerce--
You seek a great fortune...
...you three who are now in chains.
You will find a fortune...
...though it will not be the fortune you seek.
But, first...
...you must travel a long and difficult road.
A road fraught with peril.
You shall see things...
...wonderful to tell.
You shall see a cow...
...on the roof of a cotton house.
And so many startling sights.
I cannot tell you how long this road shall be...
...but fear not the obstacles in your path...
...for fate has vouchsafed your reward.
Though the road may wind...
...and yea your hearts grow weary...
...still shall ye follow the way.
Even unto your salvation.
The treasure's still there, boys, believe me.
But how did he know about the treasure?
Don't know, Delmar.
The blind are reputed to have sensitivities compensating for their lack of sight...
...even to the point of developing paranormal psychic powers.
Clearly, seeing into the future would fall neatly into that category.
It's not so surprising then that an organism deprived of its earthly vision--
He said we wouldn't get it. We wouldn't get the treasure we seek.
On account of our obstacles.
What the hell does he know? He's an ignorant old man.
Jesus, Pete. I told you I'd buried it myself.
If your cousin still has this here horse farm...
...a forge and some shoeing impedimenta to restore our liberty of movement--
Hold it right there!
You men from the bank?
You Wash's boy?
Yes, sir. And Daddy told me I'm to shoot whoever's from the bank!
Well, we ain't from the bank, young fella.
Yes, sir. I'm also suppose to shoot folks serving papers!
We ain't got no papers, neither.
I nicked the census man.
Now there's a good boy.
Is your daddy about?
Hello, Pete, who are your friends?
Pleased to make your acquaintance, Mr. Hogwallop.
My name's Ulysses Everett McGill. - And I'm Delmar O'Donnell.
How ya been, Wash? Been what, 12, 13 years?
I expect you want them chains knocked off.
They foreclosed on Cousin Vester.
He hanged himself a year come May.
And Uncle Ratliff?
The anthrax took most of his cows.
The rest don't milk, and he lost a boy to mumps.
Where's Cora, Cousin Wash?
Couldn't say.
Mrs. Hogwallop up and R-U-N-N-O-F-T.
She must've been looking for answers.
Possibly.
Good riddance, as far as I'm concerned.
I do miss her cookin', though.
This stew's awful good.
You think so?
I slaughtered this horse last Tuesday.
I'm afraid she's starting to turn.
Well, that winds up tonight's:
Pass the Biscuits, Pappy O'Daniel Flour Hour.
This is Pappy O'Daniel, hopin' you folks have been enjoyin' that old-timey music.
And remember:
When you're fryin' up some flapjacks, or baking a mess of biscuits...
...use cool, clear water, and good, pure Pappy O'Daniel flour.
Well, I guess I'll be turning in.
Say, Cousin Wash...
...I suppose it'd be the acme of foolishness to enquire if you had a hairnet?
I got a bunch in yond bureau.
Mrs. Hogwallop's, as a matter of fact.
Help yourself. I won't be needing them.
All right, boys!
How's my hair?
It's the authorities!
We got you surrounded.
Damn! We're in a tight spot.
Just come on out and grab at air!
And don't try nothing fancy.
Your situation is pretty hopeless.
Damn! We're in a tight spot.
What in the sam hill? - Pete's cousin turned us in for the bounty.
The hell you say.
Wash is kin. - Sorry, Pete!
I know we're kin, but they got this depression on.
I got to do for me and mine.
I'm going to kill you!
Judas lscariot Hogwallop!
You miserable horse-eatin' son of a bitch!
Damn! We're in a tight spot.
Damn his eyes! Pa always said "Never trust a Hogwallop."
Come and get us, coppers!
You boys ain't leavin' us no choice but to...
...smoke you out. - Damn! We're in a tight spot.
Light her up. - What we gonna do?
Hold on, boys! Ain't you ever heard of negotiating?
Maybe we can talk this thing out. I hate fire.
You lousy, low-down, yellow-bellied skunks!
Hold on, we gotta speak with one voice here.
Careful with that fire, boys!
That's enough, Officer.
I hate fire.
Go to hell!
Holy St. Christopher!
Get away from that vehicle, champ. She's lickin' fire.
Take cover, boys! That ain't popcorn!
Scatter, boys!
Get in, boys. I'm gonna R-U-N-N-O-F-T.
Come on, boys!
Come on! What are you doing here?
You ought to be in bed.
You ain't the boss of me.
You candy-butted, car-thievin' so-and-sos! I curse your names!
Go back home and mind your pa.
What's the damn problem?
I can get the part from Bristol. It'll take two weeks. Here's your pomade.
Two weeks?
That isn't any good. - Nearest Ford auto man is in Bristol.
Hold on now, I don't want this pomade. I want Dapper Dan.
I don't carry Dapper Dan. I carry Fop.
Well, I don't want Fop. Goddamn it! I'm a Dapper Dan man.
Watch your language, young man, this is a public market.
Now, if you want Dapper Dan, I'll order it. You'll have it in a couple of weeks.
Ain't this place a geographical oddity, two weeks from everywhere.
Forget it.
Just the dozen hairnets.
Well, it didn't look like a one-horse town...
...but try finding a decent hair jelly.
Gopher, Everett? - And no transmission belt for two weeks.
They dam that river on the 21st. Today's the 17th.
Don't I know it?
We got four days to get to that treasure. After that it'll be at the bottom of a lake.
We ain't gonna make it walkin'. - That's right.
Gopher, Everett? - But the old tactician's got a plan.
For the transportation, that is. Don't know how I'll keep my coiffure in order.
How is this a plan? How we gonna get a car?
Sell that.
I figure it could only have painful association for Wash.
"To Washington Bartholomew Hogwallop."
"From his loving Cora.
"Amor fidelis."
It was in his bureau.
I reckon it will fetch us enough cash for a good, used voiture, and a little left over.
You got some light fingers there, Everett.
Gopher?
You miserable little sneak.
You stole from my kin.
Who was fixing to betray us. - You didn't know that at the time.
So I borrowed it till I did know.
That don't make no sense.
It's a fool who looks for logic in the chambers of the human heart.
Now.... What the hell is that singing?
It appears to be some kind of a...
...congregation.
Care for some gopher?
No, thank you, Delmar.
A third of a gopher would only arouse my appetite without bedding her back down.
You can have the whole thing.
Me and Pete already had one.
We ran across...
...a whole gopher...
...village.
Well, I guess hard times flush the chump.
Everybody's looking for answers.
Where the hell is he going?
Well, I'll be a son of a bitch.
Delmar's been saved.
Well, that's it, boys, I've been redeemed.
The preacher has washed away all my sins and transgressions.
It's the straight and narrow from here on out.
And heaven everlasting is my reward.
What are you talking about? We got bigger fish to fry.
The preacher said all my sins are washed away.
Including that Piggly Wiggly I knocked over in Yazoo.
I thought you said you were innocent of those charges?
Well, I was lying.
And the preacher said that sin's been washed away, too.
Neither God nor man has got nothing on me, now.
Come on in, boys, the water is fine.
The preacher said it absolved us. - For him, not for the law.
I'm surprised. I gave you credit for more brains than Delmar.
But there were witnesses seen us redeemed.
That's not the issue, Delmar.
Even if it squares you with the Lord Mississippi is more hard-nosed.
You should have joined us, Everett. It couldn't have hurt none.
Hell, at least it would've washed away the stink of that pomade.
Join you two fools in a silly superstition? Thank you, anyway.
And I like the smell of my hair treatment. The pleasing odor is half the point.
Baptism.
You two are just dumber than a bag of hammers.
I guess you're just my cross to bear-- - Pull over, Everett.
Let's give that colored boy a lift.
You folks going past Tishomingo?
Sure, hop in.
How you doing, son? Name's Everett.
These two soggy sons of bitches are Pete and Delmar.
Keep your fingers from Pete's mouth, he ain't eaten for 13 years...
...except for prison food, gopher, and a little greasy horse.
Thanks for the lift, sir. My name's Tommy. Tommy Johnson.
How you doing, Tommy?
I haven't seen a house out here for miles.
What are you doing out in the middle of nowhere?
I had to be at that there crossroads last midnight...
...to sell my soul to the Devil.
Ain't it a small world, spiritually speakin'?
Pete and Delmar have just been baptized and saved.
I'm the only one that remains unaffiliated.
This ain't no laughing matter, Everett. - What'd the Devil give you for your soul?
He taught me to play this here guitar real good.
For that you traded your everlasting soul?
Well, I wasn't using it.
I've always wondered: What does the Devil look like?
Of course, there are all manner of lesser imps and demons, Pete...
...but great Satan himself is red and scaly, with a bifurcated tail and carries a hayfork.
No, sir.
He's white. As white as you folks.
With empty eyes, and a big hollow voice.
He loves to travel around with a mean old hound.
And he told you to go to Tishomingo?
No, sir, that was my idea.
I heard there's a man down there, he pays folks money to sing into his can.
They say he pays extra if you play real good.
Tishomingo? How much he pay?
All right, boys, follow my lead.
Hello?
Who's the honcho around here?
I am. Who are you?
Well, sir, I'm Jordan Rivers.
These here are the Soggy Bottom Boys outta Cottonelia, Mississippi.
Songs of salvation to salve the soul.
We hear that you pay good money to sing into a can.
Well, that all depends. You boys do Negro songs?
Sir, we are Negroes.
All except our accompaniment. The fella that plays the guitar.
Yeah, well, I don't record Negro songs.
I'm looking for some old-timey material. People can't seem to get enough of it...
...since we started broadcasting it on the Pappy O'Daniel Flour Hour.
So thank you for stopping by.
The Soggy Bottom Boys have been steeped in old-timey material.
Heck, we're silly with it, ain't we, boys? - That's right!
That's right. We ain't really Negroes.
Except for our accompanist.
"I'm a man of constant sorrow"
"I've seen trouble all my days"
"I bid farewell to old Kentucky"
"The place where I was born and raised"
"The place where he was born and raised"
"For six long years"
"I've been in trouble"
"No pleasure here on Earth, I've found"
"For in this world"
"I'm bound to ramble"
"I have no friends to help me now"
"He has no friends to help him now"
"Maybe your friends think"
"I'm just a stranger"
"My face you'll never see no more"
"But there is one promise that is given"
"I'll meet you on God's golden shore"
"He'll meet you on God's golden shore"
Hot damn, son, I do believe you did sell your soul to the Devil.
Boys, that was some mighty fine pickin' and singin'!
I'll tell you what. You come on in here...
...you sign these papers here. I'm gonna give you $10 a piece.
Okay, but Mert and Aloysius'll have to sign X's, only four of us can write.
That'll be fine.
Mister, I don't mean to be telling tales out of school...
...but there's a fella in there who'll pay you $10 if you sing into his can.
I'm not here to make a record, dummy. They broadcast me out on the radio.
That's Governor Menelaus, "Pass the Biscuits, Pappy O'Daniel."
And he'd appreciate it if you ate his farina and voted him a second term.
Finest governor Mississippi ever had! -In any state.
Lord, yes, every parish or precinct. He was making a bigger point.
Ain't you going to press the flesh? Do some politickin'?
I'll press your flesh, you dimwitted son of a bitch!
Don't tell your Pappy how to court the electorate. We ain't one-at-a-timin' here.
We're mass communicating!
Yes, that's a powerful new force.
Shake a leg, Junior. Thank God your mama died givin' birth.
If she'd seen you she'd have died of shame. Hi, there, how you doing?
We best bed down here for the night.
Yeah, it stinks in that old barn.
Suits me.
Pretty soon it'll be nothin' but feather beds and silk sheets.
$1 million.
$1.2 million.
$500,000 each.
$400,000, Delmar.
What are you going to do with your share?
Go out West somewhere.
Open a fine restaurant.
I'm going to be the ma�tre d'.
Greet all the swells...
...go to work everyday in a bow tie, tuxedo.
And all the staff say, "Yes, sir...
"...no, sir" and "in a jiffy, Pete."
And all my meals for free.
What about you, Delmar?
What are you going to do with your share of that dough?
Visit them...
...foreclosing son of a guns down at the Indianola Savings and Loans...
...and slap that money on the barrelhead and buy back the family farm.
You ain't no kind of man if you ain't got land.
What about you, Everett?
What'd you have in mind when you stole it in the first place?
Didn't have no plan.
Well, that hardly sounds like you.
All right, boys! It's the authorities!
Your situation is pretty hopeless.
Damn, they found our car.
We ain't got the time orinclination to gentle you boys any further!
Damn, we got to skedaddle.
I left my pomade in the car. Maybe I can creep up--
Don't be a fool, Everett.
We got to R-U-N-N-O-F-T.
Where's Tommy? -Already let out.
Scared out of his wits.
Let's go.
The hell it ain't square one.
Ain't no one gonna pick up three filthy unshaved hitchhikers.
And one of them a know-it-all who can't keep his trap shut.
The personal rancor in that remark, I don't intend to dignify with comment.
But I'd like to address your general attitude of hopeless negativism.
Consider the lilies of the goddamn field.
Or, hell, take a look at Delmar here as your paradigm of hope.
Yeah, look at me.
You may call it an unreasoning optimism, you may call it obtuse...
...but the plain and simple fact is that we got close...
...to three days before they...
...dam that river.
Is this the road to ltta Bena?
Itta Bena?
Isn't that....
If you stay on this here road-- - No, that ain't right.
Take this road-- - No, that ain't right.
Seems to me there's a road, a cow road, that used to lead all the way....
That ain't right either. - Hop on in while you give it a think.
Any of you boys know your way around a Walther PPK?
Well, see, that's where we can't help ya. I don't believe it's in Mississippi.
Friend, some of your folding money has come unstowed.
Just stuff it down in that sack, will ya?
You boys aren't bad men, I take it?
Well, it's funny you should ask. I was bad till yesterday.
But me and Pete here have been saved.
I'm Delmar, and that there is Everett.
George Nelson. It's a pleasure.
Grab the tiller, would ya, buddy?
Hand me that chopper.
Say, what line of work are you in, George?
Come and get me, coppers!
You flatfooted, lame-brained, soft-assed, sons of bitches!
No one can catch me. I'm George Nelson!
I'm bigger than any John Law that ever lived.
I'm 10-and-a-half-feet tall and ain't yet fully grown.
Cows. I hate cows worse than coppers.
Oh, George, not the livestock.
Come on, you miserable sons of bitches! Come and get me!
Come on, boys, we're going for the record. Three banks in two hours.
Okay, folks, hold the applause and drop your drawers!
I'm George Nelson and I'm here to sack the city of ltta Bena.
He's a live wire, though, ain't he?
All the money in the bag. What are you looking at, Grandpa?
Pardon me, George. You got a plan for getting out of here?
Sure, boys...
...here's my plan.
They ain't never seen ordnance like this.
Thank you, folks.
And remember: Jesus saves, but George Nelson withdraws.
Go fetch the auto voiture, Pete.
That's Babyface Nelson.
Who said that?
What ignorant, low-down, slanderizing son of a bitch said that?
My name is George Nelson, get me?
She didn't mean nothing by it, George.
George Nelson! Not Babyface!
You remember.
And you tell your friends:
I'm George Nelson. Born to raise hell.
That was some fun now, wasn't it, George?
Yeah.
Almost makes me wish I hadn't been saved.
Jackin' up banks.
I can see how a fella could derive a lot of pleasure and satisfaction out of it.
It's okay.
I'm takin' off.
You boys might as well...
...keep my share of the riches.
Where are you going, George?
I don't know.
Who cares?
What do you suppose is eatin' George?
They say that...
...with the thrill-seeking personality, what goes up, must come down.
Top of the world one minute, haunted by megrims the next.
Yes, sir, it's as if our old friend George is an alley cat.
And his own damn humors are swingin' him by the tail.
I wouldn't worry, Delmar. He'll be back on top again.
I don't think we've seen the last of George Nelson.
Don't be saps for Pappy.
Homer Stokes for governor.
Let's sweep this state clean.
Vote for Stokes, brothers.
Hang on, I'm gonna slap one on here.
Here's my cousin Ezzard's niece, Eudora, from out of Greenwood, doin' a number...
...with her cousin Tom-Tom, which I predict you're gonna enjoy.
What can I do for you, Mr. French?
How can I lay a hold of them Soggy Bottom Boys?
Soggy Bottom? I don't precisely recollect them.
They cut a record in here, a few days ago...
...with an old-timey, harmony thing with a guitar accompaniment.
Oh, I remember them. Colored fellas, I believe.
Yes, sir, they're a fine bunch of boys.
They sang into yonder can and skedaddled.
Well, that record is just going through the goddamn roof.
They're playing it as far away as Mobile. - No?
The whole damn state's goin' ape.
Well, it was a powerful air.
Hot damn, we gotta find them boys and sign them to a big fat contract.
Hell's bells, Mr. Lunn, if we don't, the goddamn competition will.
Mercy, we gotta beat that competition. - Yes, sir.
Do you have the Soggy Bottom Boys performing Man of Constant Sorrow?
No. We got a new shipment in yesterday, but we can't keep them on the shelves.
Shut up, Delmar.
Pull over!
I guess old Pete's got the itch.
How do you do, ladies? Name is Pete.
Ain't you gonna introduce us, Pete? - I don't know their names, I seen 'em first.
Afternoon, ladies. My name is Ulysses Everett McGill.
Well, you three ladies are about the...
...prettiest...
...water lilies I've ever....
Corn liquor.
My hair!
Look at this.
Where the heck are ya?
We ain't got time for hide-and-seek.
We ain't got time for you shenanigans.
Sweet Jesus, Everett.
They left his heart.
What the heck has got into you? - Can't you see it?
Them sirens did this to Pete.
They loved him up and turned him into a...
...horny toad.
It's me, Delmar.
What are we going to do?
I'm not sure that's Pete. - Of course it's Pete. Look at him.
We got to find some kind of wizard to change him back.
I'm just not sure that's Pete.
You can't display a toad in a fine restaurant like this...
...while the good folks here go right off their feed.
I just don't think it's right keepin' him under wraps, like we're ashamed of him.
If it is Pete, I am ashamed of him.
The way I see it, he got what he deserved. Fornicating with some whore of Babylon.
These things don't happen for no reason, Delmar. It's obviously...
...a judgment on Pete's character. - Well, the two of us was fixing to fornicate.
You're going to have to excuse my rusticated friend...
...unaccustomed as he is to city manners and all.
We'll have ourselves a couple of steaks and some...
...gratinated potatoes and wash it down with your finest bubbly wine.
I don't suppose you have any nits or grubs back in the pantry?
No, just bring us a couple of leaves of raw cabbage.
Yes, sir. - Thank you.
That barnyard-- - I don't believe I've seen you before.
Allow me to introduce myself. Name of Daniel Teague.
Known in these precincts as Big Dan Teague.
Or to those pressed for time, Big Dan Tout Court!
How you doing, Big Dan? My name's Ulysses Everett McGill.
This is my associate Delmar O'Donnell.
I detect, like me you're endowed with the gift of the gab.
I flatter myself that such is the case.
In my line of work it's plumb necessary. The one thing you don't want...
...is air in the conversation.
Once again, we find ourselves in agreement.
What kind of work do you do, Big Dan? - Sales, Mr. McGill!
And what do I sell? The truth. Every blessed word of it.
From Genesis on down to Revelations. That's right, the word of God...
...which, let me say, there's good money in, during these times of woe and want.
People are looking for answers and Big Dan sells the only book that's got 'em.
And what do you do, you and your tongue-tied friend?
We're....
We are adventurers, sir.
Currently pursuin' an opportunity. But we're open to others as well.
I like your style. I'm going to propose you a proposition.
You cover my bill so I don't have to go back upstairs.
Get your waitress to wrap your dinner and we'll retire to more private environs...
...where I'll tell you of the vast amounts of money to be made in the service of God.
Why not? lf nothing else I could use some civilized conversation.
Don't forget your shoebox, friend.
Languishing!
Goddamn campaign is languishing!
We need a shot in the arm. You hear me, boys? ln the goddamn arm!
If the election was held tomorrow, that Stokes would win it in a walk!
He's the reform candidate, Daddy.
Yeah?
Well, people like that reform.
Maybe we should get us some. - I'll reform you, you son of a bitch.
How we gonna run reform, when we're the damn incumbent?
Is that the best idea you boys can come up with? Reform?
Weepin' Jesus on the cross!
You may as well start draftin' my concession speech right now.
Okay, Pappy.
I'm just making a point, you idiot. Give me my hat, hurry up!
Pappy's just making a point. - Shut up!
Thank you for that fricassee. I'm a man with a large appetite...
...and even with a lunch under my belt I was feelin' a mite peckish.
It's our pleasure, Big Dan.
Thank you, as well, for the conversational hiatus.
I generally refrain from speech during gustation.
There are those who attempt both at the same time.
I find it coarse and vulgar. Where were we?
Makin' money in the Lord's service.
You don't say much, but when you do it's to the point and I salute you for it.
Bible sales.
Now the trade is not a complicated one.
There are but two things to learn. One: being where to find a wholesaler.
The word of God in bulk as it were.
Two: how to recognize your customer. Who are you dealing with?
It's an exercise in psychology, so to speak.
And it is that which I propose...
...to give you a lesson in right now.
I like to think I'm a pretty astute observer of the human scene, too.
No doubt, brother. I figured as much back at the restaurant.
That's why I invited you all out here...
...for this advanced tutorial.
What's going on, Big Dan? - It's all about the money, boys!
That's the answer.
Dough, re, mi!
I don't get it, Big Dan.
Now, I'll just take your show card....
And whatever you got in the hole.
What?
There ain't nothing but a damn toad.
You don't understand, that's Pete.
Do you know these things give you warts?
End of lesson.
So long, boys.
See you in the funny paper.
You all seen the end of Big Dan Teague.